Thank God the fevers and rigors and headaches have ended. I'm home, in my bed, next to my wife. My dogs won’t leave my side and are making it clear they missed me.Thank God my kids can move towards peace and focus on their own young lives again.

I have so much to be thankful for. I know it. Here’s the twist.

I don’t feel like high fivin’ everyone in sight. I don’t feel like jumping for joy. I don’t feel strong and I don’t feel great. I still feel some of the depression that overcame me when I considered the worst possibilities of what was making me so sick. I’m still emotionally strung out from confronting where my kids and my wife would be if God decided to separate us.I'm exhausted from this two week battle.

My diagnosis for 11 days of fever that arbitrarily blew through 104 any damn time it felt like it throughout the day, along with the other symptoms, was “viral syndrome w/fever of unknown origin.” Whatever the fuck that means. What makes the most sense is that the doctors at Penn are pretty convinced that the sleep medication I took small doses of was poisoning me. Who'd a thunk it, the one not plant strong thing still going into my body may have caused all of this shit! Lets hope so, because it won’t be in me again.

So now, the way I see it, it’s time to get back to basics. Time to get one foot back in front of the other. Time to get back to being grateful for my wellness, thankful for all I have, happy to be getting healthier. Time to let life’s pleasures help kick start each day. Time to kick my ass back into gear.

I’m so thankful to all of you. This post is my first positive, therapeutic step back into my real life. These thoughts awoke me and conveying them to all of you, here, got me out of bed today. This is my first step towards returning to great health and well being.

Back to basics.

If I am only for myself, who am I?

If I am not for myself, who will be?

If not now, when?

Onward and downward.