I'm sorry I disappeared. I'm embarrassed, emasculated even, to tell all of you that I've been admitted to the hospital again. I'm so upset I haven't even told my closest friends, siblings, etc. I guess this is the easiest way to just tell everyone.

Before this past month, I was in second grade the last time I was admitted to a hospital.

Last weekend, I took my beloved Uncle with me to see my daughter play field hockey, to be with her and to give him a tour of Charlottesville, VA, one of my favorite places anywhere. What a weekend it was, watching my kid, hosting 18 for a great, vegan-friendly dinner, visiting Monticello, picking apples at a mountaintop orchard and feeling perfectly capable of lugging 40 pounds of them up the mountain.

Then it hit me while I was driving home...... Alternating between intense, teeth chattering chills to sweat pouring down my face and soaking my shirt within minutes. I had three more hours to drive and they sucked. Once we got home and I hugged Amy, she said I felt like I was "on fire." She wasn't far off. My fever was over 103 then and over 104 by midnight.

And, now.....one week later, my fever is still  fucking 104.3! I'm still going through a regular regimen of teeth chattering, brutal shaking that is the intro to every new intense headache,  that's so brutal, I can only lock myself into the fetal position and fight through it  for the next hour or two once the meds finally kick in....and as soon as each headache does finally end, I go to the other extreme and sweat through a tee shirt every 15 minutes....I mean I can ring the sucker out and thoroughly water a plant.

And the worst part, after many, many different blood tests, a brain MRI, and maybe a full body scan or spinal tap ahead....the docs still haven't figured this out.

Scary conditions like meningitis, encephalitis, Lyme's, MERSA, garden-variety auto immune diseases, severe flu.......all of these were raised and ruled out.

Still out there.....a really severe viral infection, something that shows up on the brain MRI they just completed, and other shit that I've lost track of.

I'm sorry I can't write much more lively reading here. I'm wiped, I'm upset. I'm anxious/depressed and a bit scared.

And worse, I even questioned whether my change to Plant Strong is part of the reason this happened. I've asked each doctor and to their credit, in unison, while none of them eat our way, they said if anything, this ________ would be worse if my health hadn't recently improved so much.

I still believe that every Big Sexy post must have at least one moment of levity. So, here's the best I got. Before they can administer ANYTHING to a patient here, they ask your birthdate and  your name.......so before they moved me into the MRI machine Allen said, "Jon, what's you birthdate." Then, "Jon, what's your name?" I asked "was that a trick question?"

Oh....and when I thought I was speaking to the food service woman this morning but she was in housekeeping with spotty English.....I said, "Remember, I'm vegan." she looked at me and "Yes Mister, I Catholic."

Ok, I probably won't be posting for a few more days til I know what's up. Until then, all prayers are welcome.