One of my oldest, dearest, and clearly fattest old pals is "Gawk." Neighborhood, school, college, post college travels, you name it, we did it together. He's the big porker in the middle who's stomach you see taking up most of this picture. This photo was taken at our PSU college reunion and the three of us in the photo have known each other since before high school. One of the funny things about this picture is that the other guy, the skinny little, very bald dude is our good pal  "Chubby." 

Anyway, when we were young.......long, long ago, the ladies loved The Gawk. Some say it was the name that charmed them, but I know better. 6'5", athletic, big blue eyes, the smile and funny as hell. Not only was he fit, but he could hit any type of ball, whether it was a baseball, a golfball, or a meatball....further than anyone this side of the Mississippi. Golf balls over 350.....baseballs well over the center field fence and he never even worked at it. Yes everything came easy for this big porker....including his second and third helping. AND now....it's caught up to him. He's north of 350 pounds and I'm being kind, aren't I big fella? For that matter, he may even be 350 kilos!  Gawk has been following the blog and making some of the funnier comments, typing with one hand while he's using the other to stuff his pie hole with salami, ricotta, steak, eggs, beer, a turkey leg, and lobster tail dripping in butter, and that's his breakfast! You can only imagine what happens when both of his hands are free!

So last night, he shouted out for help in an email to The Big Sexy. He admitted that his lovely Mrs. Gawk is following the Big Sexy's blog. Now, each time the big piggy (angry words coming from this vegan) takes a 6 ounce bite out of his 48 ounce porterhouse, Mrs. Gawk is giving him the evil eye. She knows there's a better way. Yes, Mrs. Gawk is now enlightened by the Big Sexy's journey through this place where I can stuff my pie hole as much as I want, it just needs to be from the earth. Now Mrs. G knows that her big cow (more mad shouts) could graze all he wants, and soon be able to fit through the front door, not require a bed bigger than his swimming pool, and maybe even be able to not have to buy a row of three seats in order to fly. 

Mrs. Gawk my dear, it's time for us to drop the gauntlet and get your gargantuan hubby to drop the butcher sized steak knife! I'd love to call you his better half....but in the interest of mathematical accuracy, lets go with "You are his better one-tenth."

So here it is Big Man....this blogs for you, you competitive tub of lard. Get on the Vegan Wagon. Join me in grazing on good things. Do you really want the Big Sexy to be healthier, funnier, stronger, faster and sexier (sorry for the redundancy, but it's true) than you? Your kid is one of the best collegiate soccer players in the country and his younger brother may be better. You have no chance of chasing after the guys that chase after your girls....because you can barely make it to the fridge at this point! Imagine how much better you could hit a golf ball if you weren't swinging around your medicine ball. Is stuffing your pie hole with this crap really better than enjoying another 50 years of enjoying your kids, and their kids, and golf?

GET YOUR FAT ASS ON THIS WAGON YOU HUNKA-HUNKA BURNIN' LOVE! AND TO OUR FOLLOWERS, CHIME IN AND COAX THIS PIG HIPPO ( MORE BAD ANIMAL WORDS) ONTO THE SCALE AND OUT OF THE KITCHEN. IF MRS. GAWK NEEDS RECIPES, WE GOT HER COVERED. START A BLOG GAWK AND I'LL FEATURE IT.....OF COURSE IT WON'T BE THIS FUNNY, BUT WE'LL ALL PATRONIZE YOU AND LET YOU THINK IT IS.

Life wont be the same if I'm living it without abusing your fat ass. Come to the other side Big Fella. Instead of taking up half of the mid west, you can just live there. 

Gawk.....it's time to Beat Meat and Get a Heart On....with The Big Sexy!

And me....after all that is what this blog is about. I'm feeling strong, energized, ready for great vegan pastry this afternoon at Whole Foods and a great night at the comedy club in Philly. Can't wait to tell y'all what my scale says on Monday!